No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
