You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
