Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
