Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
