the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
be right there i have to get my cape
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
