So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
