So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
