you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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