you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
