her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
