Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
