She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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