You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.