I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.