you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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