Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
