You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
