a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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