That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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