Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
