come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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