After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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