birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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