No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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