Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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