Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
