barbara walters just said penis...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
