also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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