I just made out with a guy for $7.
You can't motorboat a personality
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
