all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
