dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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