they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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