I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
