I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize