Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
