I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
