Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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