Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
