So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been