It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave