that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
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he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.