I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.