Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize