You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
