I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
