I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
