the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
