i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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