i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
