I looked at my own cervix.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
