honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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