U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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