And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
