i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you didnt know i had herpes?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
