i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
