i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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