I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
