I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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