Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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