Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
