omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
