I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
