3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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