My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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