I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
