I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
