Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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