Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
