I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
