Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
