Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
