HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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