hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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