Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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