Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
