Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
